?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

TNG

there is always talk about "TNG" (the next generation) at my munch events. but..
I dont see too many of these TNG-ers. One annoying thing about the scene, at least as far as I can observe through my limited experiences, is there seem to be far more older people at public play sessions than young. By young, I mean, 35 or less in years. Now, this matters because I dont really like to date over 35, and even stretching it, not over 40. Im 29. My comfort zone is really 25-35. f is an exception by 6 months. like I said, I can stretch a little. but my point is, when i am approached by a 40+ man at a club, I dont have much play interest in a purely emotional driven sense. If I was approached by a 20 year old, id likely be the same way. i feel this pressure for me to play because there are SO many male subs and so few dommes. i know this is proly because im new and because im a domme coming out at nearly 30: like I have something to prove. and you know, in a PRIVATE setting, where I could be 1 on 1 with an older man in a non-sexual (D/S S/M only) scene, I might really enjoy the game, but out at the club, I cant get in the mode at all. I saw this other domme get up and paddle a guy who had been going from person to person begging for 10-15 minutes. and someone else commented to me that this was the only place where some of these guys can really take their passions and i should have a little pity for them. Pity? Was I ever feeling contemptuous? No. I just didnt want to play with someone I was not particularly attracted to in an environment where I wont be able to find anything to fixate on or serve myself in any way. Im not a wind up domme. Im not a service. (Im not getting paid.) Im not exploring myself by paddling an ass in environment that im not comfortable with myself in. As I gain confidence, this may change. or not. but for now...is a trap. I need to practice, but where? i continue to think about going pro. Training, payment, 1:1, service others AND to myself. Age does not matter in this environment.

and where are all the young people?
today I went to a munch here in brooklyn. same thing. everyone was over 35 as far as I could tell, and Im guessing between 40-60. !! while I enjoy being amongst fellow deviants, it's difficult for me to relate. difficult for me to chime in on conversations about the mid-90's. It's not a peer group. This is bothersome for me.

In the meantime, I have an old friend (my age!) who keeps half jokingly asking me to beat him up. Its terrible. I text messaged him tonight and told him if I was interested at all in playing with him, Id ask him. Its insulting that he claims to be interested in this sort of thing and doesnt even bother to do his homework. to think that all i do is beat people up. he says he doesnt know if hes a sub or a dom. a sadist or a masochist. a top of a bottom. all these are different meanings, mind you with their related terms. none need be the other. well, go ahead on and fucking think about it! go to some TES meetings. go watch the action at the dungeon. what turns ya on? step into yourself. be brave. Im not his therapist, and i sense this is all some wierd way to have sex with me anyway. I dont like it at all. And besides, if I asked him to come over for a session, he'd proly be late and make me wait around. I know him this well, bless his heart. But this domme doesnt wait. It would be a wasted evening for both of us. because if you're late, dont bother coming.

in summary, im having trouble finding play partners and my friend is wierding me out. 17 days until f is here, and i REALLY hope he knows what he is getting into. Ive emailed it 1000 times until he's written me back saying YES YES YES, I know what you are saying. You're turning into a lifestyle domme. Stop already. I cant wait to see you. This is what I want. But Im scared that all my words have been just another set of emails that he doesnt read completely. just reads what he wants to hear. a fellow domme says "subs have one real mistress: their own kink". I can play with that if it's true. it can be a carrot for what i need. if hes really a sub. and not a fetishist. and i worry about this. all i can do is wait. and hope. and think the best thoughts. because, right now, i cant wait to see him in the flesh. kiss him, hug him, show him around my awesome hood, go out, keep him at my place, make him do this and that naughty thing :), watch him squirm with happiness. and when its over --bask in light and truth. life is seldom so simple. and in fact, hardly ever at all.

Tags:

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
whos_your_venus
Dec. 16th, 2007 05:12 am (UTC)
we are TNG-ers...but - here ya go, my dear...

http://tes.org/beta/content/view/29/74//
(Anonymous)
Dec. 18th, 2007 02:20 pm (UTC)
If only it were possible to have a dam good FUCK and look in some ones eyes and says you love them !
Thats what you need lady xx pantyman.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )