anyways, we talked about me and we talked about tim. hes still with elona and i asked him how the hell he keeps it together. hes not sure. all he said was that he pretended it wasnt serious, and thus it could remain serious. whatever ya have to do, i guess. he also asked me why i was so quick to date someone else right off the bat this weekend,. i thought about it, but only for a moment.
"BEcause im lonely" i said.
i dont have that many friends in the city. Tim, Wil, Stace (whos gone all the time). Uh....yeah. Im VERY lonely. not so much for a significant other, but just for others. this is why im so happy this swim team is getting started up. it will get me out of the house and exersizing and chatting with new people. i am SO lonely. its hurts. and all i can do is constantly date a new person all the time, since thats the easiest way to have someone around. its really pathetic. i knew this all along, but it somehow didnt click.
someone wrote in some comment that i have a lot to be happy for. i do. yes. NYC, a rad apt, a rad roomate, my camera back (although its been pretty wasted this past week), my head, my heart, and im not half bad looking.
i am happy. just oh so lonely.
gotta love the city.
anwyays, i digress. so tim says, why dont you hold off on seeing other people for a while.
i think i might. just find zen. try to.
try top go to places by myself, read. try not to get sad cause i am there by myself. all that.
