August 16th, 2000

Death, a reply

To the person who thinks im lame:
what is the world coming to when intelligent, thinking, questioning, reasoning, reasonable people are considered lame?
Im glad im on here and now. im glad i can annoy all the people who sit on their asses in ignorance. rarely does one have the chance!
If you are so annoyed with me, then i feel sorry for you. go watch your reality TV, dear.

for the rest:

Well, im not feeling suicidal, so no worries there. I keep watching movies that have to do with death, like Jacob's Ladder, Ninth Gate...and ive been doing a bunch of thinking about things.

Im not scared of death. Like i posted in the forum, it's just a waste to evolve into a creature of self actualization..a creature who thinks and creates and knows it exists, just to die.

from an outsider's point of view, it all makes sense. creatures are born and creatures die..too bad they were aware.
but when we are one of those creatures we feel special, somehow we know you live. we know you will die...
we know one day we will be winked out of existance, and we ask..why am i me?
and we ask would i be me if mom had married the guy from the prom instead of running off with the motorcycle dude..
you know?
we feel there must be more, because we know we will die, and we dont want to. we want to live and acknowledge our living. Yet we are chemicals and electrical impulses that fade when the body fades.

so annoying.
ive just been thinking about all this lately.

im always thinking.

tonight

Erik and I are waiting for Ethan to get here. After several flight delays we are wondering if he will ever actually come. He was supposed to jump into a taxi over an hour ago...

in any case, im off to Jeramy's and then to the Ox to see the drag show, at 11:30.

Erik is determined to beat Zelda on the big-screen, digital TV.