August 22nd, 2000

Today

If it's not one thing...it's another. I've been so sick today. I can't even believe I am alive. I keep contracting strep.

All alone on the couch with a fever. Crying. I have been let down by a friend today.

I dont understand people these days. You give and are there for them, and then they turn around and act like its nothing. Im so sad, I cannot express my feelings in words.

the Doctors office

I called in at 9 am this morning, when i woke up and scheduled an appointment for 10:15 am.

turns out i dont have strep (yay!) Unfortunately, they don't know what i have. :( The doctor thinks that with all the stress and heat lately, i might have possibly contracted a virus thats attacking the weakened throat tissue. But, it HURTS so much (i can barely swallow or breathe) and the lymphnodes are WAY swollen. Im also physically tired and pretty emotionally unstable.

So, I got asked lots of questions about my sexual practice and in the end, the doctor thought it might be a mild mono infection. I figured that while they were taking blood for mono tests that they might as well test me for Hep B and C as well as HIV, less likely, but possible causes for my continued unhealthy state.

So,you have here, a nervous girl.

Mom thinks....

Mom called to ask about my doctors visit. All was going well until i mentioned my HIV test

her reply "Im so disappointed that you would live a lifestyle that required that...thats what you get when you screw and whore around..."

who am i to turn to when my parents dont even support a responsible decision.

my mom makes up these things in her head about me. She thinks i sleep around and do a ton of drugs, and gives me hell whenever she can about...because im bi-sexual MUST mean i do all these things.

im a good person and live my life as responsibly as i can. I hung up on my mom. im fucking stressed out..and all she can do is put me down.

i dont think i wanna talk to her anymore.