November 3rd, 2000

(no subject)

First, a bio update! (incase you didnt notice):
1 new picture gallery
2 new motivations (poems of lisa's past found recently in an old journal)
1 new outsourced (thanks kinindor!!)
2 new recipes
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The last 24 hours have been crazy. As you proly saw, i slept for a good 3 hours today, after i return from the Quarter. I spent a good part of the night awake, discussing "the relationship" with Jeramy: a very tearful sort of ordeal.
I finally told him that I wasn't so sure about us moving away together, afterall. Not because i dont care about him, but because of financial issues.
I think he took that to mean "financial status", in his comments "well, maybe you can go find yourself someone with more money who is more stable."
that wasnt the point at all! I was hoping to talk about his financial SITUATION. I wanted to talk about us, (him) not OTHER people.
See, whether i go back to school, or stay on with here and now...im not sure i will be able to afford to take care of him, as well as myself. He is in some terrible credit trouble right now, and nothing has been resolved over the summer. What if we move and everything has to be in my name. What if we break up? Where will he go? He cant get a place because he's pretty broke and has a ruined credit rating. I dont want things to be unequal here. I dont want him feeling that he is my charity, or he is at a dead end because he depends on me.
I realized when i talked through all of this that i truly do care about him. A lot. The idea of leaving him here really sucks. I brought up the notion that perhaps he could stay here for a few months after i leave (1-2) and just start moving on this credit thing. Just start. Show me some action, and i'll feel better, you know? However, Im worried that im going to go wherever i may go and get distracted with life, other people, and stuff. If im away from him too long, its going to fall apart. If i try to bring him along as it is right now, im going to fall into debt too, and he's going to be feeling bad. I need some advice.