January 7th, 2001

letter from dad

ok, dad's responses are dashed and my previous email to him is undashed in the brackets {***are my current comments} id like to know if im out of my mind to be angry...



DAD:
Hi Lisa,

Well I don't know what mom said but I think you are over reacting. We don't agree with all you've done but that's our opinion and may not reflect the true situation. See below for comments...

LISA:
Many things that need to be said:
i tried to call, but it was busy--
first...
im sure if i give the landlord this agreement, it
should be fine. i would add though, that perhaps the 3 months could be anytime during the lease (its only for a year, anyway).

DAD: (his responses will be dashed)
--That would be ok.

LISA:
you wont ever have to pay anything bcause i have the money for february and by the end of feb. ill have a job. hes not going to come after you cause i will have paid him.

-- if that's so then things will be ok..

im not so much upset about the letter than about what was said to me on the phone. i know you didnt say it...but i cant believe two parents would think exactly opposite..

-- I don't think I can know what Mom said..

i called to ask about your trip. and i got mom. she told me about singapore. then we got on the job discussion. it didnt matter that ive only been here for 9 working days. that i found an apartment (and i will assure you, 1350 is CHEAP.

-- but $1350 is not cheap to us.. its alot of money and work for me.. that's a whole pay check.

the same apartment in manhattan would be at least 2500/mo. im not even living in the nicest part of brooklyn!

-- but I don't live in New York, and its the most expensive place to live in the US..

im not splurging in the least. anything less than 1000$/mo around here is in the ghetto.) in the first day i was here...and have had 4 interviews already, and have a few more scheduled...

-- interview are not jobs.. but I hope you are successful..

no..all that positive news didnt matter. all i got was how come you moved up there without a job?

-- well you did, and from our knowledge we saw that you had a job offer in San Francisco and you turned it down to move to NY without a job. To us that seems careless..
{***does it occur to you that i DONT want to live in san francisco...do you want me to be happy or unhappy in my life??}

(because i CANT get a job if i dont have a residence ... most people cant get one for weeks...i just lucked out) --and then the real kicker...i QUOTE-- no i dont trust you, and i have not seen any increase in resposibility over the past 6 years.

-- well the "trust" think keeps coming up too often. you can believe what you want. Maybe some day you'll be a parent and see things differently. Meanwhile you can just think what you will. I don't have any magic solution. We trust what we see, not just words. I've always done things that way.

{***so, if i were to become a parent..then i would should trust my kids? i should totally not have any faith in them and expect them to let me down? its a good thing i have found my own source of self esteem, because you sure arent helping me}

thanks a hell of alot..

-- Well same to you. I guess $100k for your education which a great deal was wasted was ok. More than anyone else has ever given you. And not to mention other things.. yes parents
are a pain.. but so are our daughters!

{***I WASTED your money? HELLO, i have a degree in economics. Because i changed my major to something i could use in the real world to get a job i WASTED my education? I'm a pain? I busted my ass with 16 credit semesters and a 20hr/ week job to graduate a semeter early to save 20k. im a pain? why did you have me?}

you make me out to be some kid with a teenage
intellect. do you know how much ut HURTS me to know im dissapointing my parents? i mean..i dont even know what the hell ive done... i dont know what this god damn template for responsibility is... i so tired of it!!

-- Well get used to it because that's what the work day world requres. You have to be responsible to keep a job. And sometimes that's not even enough.

{***why do all my complaint/observations about this parent child relationship have to get subverted to other topics. we are not talking about job responsibilities here. we are talking about trust between a 22 year old daughter and her parents. dont talk to me about job responsibilities. ive worked in everything from retail to the internet. i can hold a job. im askisng for a little respect from my parents!!}

im tired of not being what you want. im not a little kid. just because i dont live the life you did...or go about learning and loving the same way does not make me any less of a human. i am sooo outraged right now. im crying and im pissed.

-- Good.

{good? you want me to feel like shit?}

i dont feel like i need to earn your trust. i should already have it!

-- Why? I can see your mistakes and hope you overcome them. I'm not going to sign a blanket agreement with a 3rd party for unlimited funding of rent with no time or limits!!

{***why? because i graduated from college...paid my own way to NYC for a summer of internships. worked for a revolutionary internet company...paid my own way back up to NYC again..found an apartment and am stuggling to find a job. you say words are not enough. ive shown you actions. its sickening that you choose to ignore all ive accomplished to focus on what...that i didnt move to SF? give me a break!!}

ive never done anything wrong.

-- That's an outright lie. We all make mistakes. You too!

{***i wasnt talking making mistakes. i was saying that i have not lived my life incorrectly..ive never been a drug addict..never gotten an STD..never gotten fired, arrested... mistakes are not wrong. they are part of life. you make them too, and yet i dont not trust you, or call you irresponsible! im SOOOO sorry i cant be like my PERFECT parents}


all through high school...i was so good. i mean..i didnt smoke. i didnt drink. i did my best to be at home on time...and all i got was this sense on non-trust. i mean...by the end of my senior year there...im thinking..why the hell do i try? no matter how good i am.,.they just wont trust me.

-- Woe is me!

{***woe is me? no...woe is you for not understanding that what im trying to say here is that you have been pulling this shit on me for years!! why do i even bother?}

and its the same now. i got a loan to get money to come up here because you couldnt help me. and then mom tells me..no we cant sign a letter... gee too bad lisa...all that luck for nothing. the landlord takes the money and im stuck with absolutely nothing because you cant trust im resposible enough

-- Enough already!.. I don't trust 3rd parties that I don't know.

to get a damn job. you think i want to live in poverty?

-- Yes.

{**yes? you think i want to live in poverty. what the hell kind of parents are you? }

again, its not about the letter. its about what was said. i took responsibility for my health a few months back, with the HIV test.

-- So what were you doing that needed an HIV test?
(in the first place..)

{***i was living my life like any normal 21st century human being. im case you hadnt noticed yet we arent living in the victorian era any more. people have sex. people i have been with have done some serious drugs. i was taking making sure that i wouldnt be responsible for killing someone else... i bet you would be extra proud of your HIV positive daughter who infected 5 other people. luckily, im negative.}


.and i get bitched out.
I take responsibility for my life and pick up out of here and now and move to new york...the place i really want to be..and again, ive failed the responsiility template.

-- You've failed nothing. Mom just unloaded on you, that's all. Put things in the right perspective!

{***you shouldnt unload on your stressed out child, in need of support during her move to New York. you dont tell her shes going to fail.}

i know you didnt say those word, but you need to know how i feel.

im so hurt
so hurt

-- Well try to see beyond the anger and lets get this agreement hammered out so I can sign it and get it to you. I think you must need it.

bye now
DAD

(try not to hate me.. I don't hate you. No one is perfect.)


{***im not sure who my family is anymore}