February 15th, 2001

(no subject)

the "kiplinger" event is tonight..so the boys are out of the office working on that. Charles is over working though his green leopard print art deco for the sales window of a local jewelry store. It's nice and relaxed, just how I like it.

Well, Charles popped the question this morning. Well, "the" question, when it comes to first week for temp-to perm workers.
"How do you like us"
I said I dig it here, which i do more and more, and he says..."great! because we really appreciate your help around here"

i cant imagine that is anything but good, so im confident that the rent will be paid sorta on time form now on.

meanwhile, the office supply of snickerdoodles is running low. looks like ill have to bring in some more tomorrow. my mom's valentines day cookie box is going to last forever! I cant wait to start baking more. its just more expensive than actually cooking.

Well, Valentines day turned out, ok, i guess. Jeramy made me his special spaghetti. it was overpoweringly tangy and i had to add more pasta to finish the sauce, but it was good when i started. and he always adds all these yummy vegetables to the sauce so i felt heathy, even though he fried the spghetti noodles in oil after they were boiled.

Unfortunatly, the combo of me being tired after work and him feeling bad about not being able to afford roses or something made us a bit argumentative. i asked him if he wanted to take a nice bath together, instead of just watch TV. He said no, and I sorta felt bad, because I wanted to snuggle, and besides it was V-day and I though it would be a nice thing to do..you know, light some candles and add some smelly stuff top the water and relax together. i wasnt even thinking about anything particuraly sexual..

but he's like..."no, now im REALLY out of the mood..why do you always have to have an agenda?"

This really pissed me off because
1) this wasnt about sex, it was about a nice romantic bath
2) and when i do try and be spontaeous about sex, i always get pushed away
3) so if this was an attempt to "schedule" sex, its like I just cant win!

i sometimes feel like everything has to be the way he imagines it or he gets mad, and stomps off, literally. i get tirec of it, because i have to sorta bend to be whatever he wants so that the moment doesnt fall apart. its lame.
and its getting worse all the time. i dont even know what to do to turn him on. i try kisses on the neck, slow dancing, caressing, backrubs...
its like i cant seem to initiate the mood to what he wants at that moment. ive even tried just grabbing and kissing, spanking, ass grabbing.

i dont think we have gotten it on for over a week...cause i just dont know how to approach it..and it shouldnt be so hard!
advice anyone?