June 16th, 2001

crazy nights!

i had to keep a little notebook of all the things i wanted to talk about today.
but before i get going, i want to send out a HUGE THANK YOU to Randee, Alan, and Louiss!!!!!!!
I almost cried right there in the post office when I opened my po box today to find such gracious support. i know that half the people who care about what i do have forgotten about it cause i just havent been able to get my hands on equipment to do this project. and it means sooo much to me when i physically have in my hands a gesture of belief and love. Again, also thank you to simro and west as well. I just dont know how to thank you, except go on doing what i do and type out internet (((hugs))) :)


now, on with the show:
last night was...well...
i got off of work late, as you know an i was so incredibly anxious to leave.the train drove me nuts, it was sooo slow. i thought i was going to get old and rot before i got out the subway..never mind the bus. Luckily my favorite B57 was right there, so i sorta forgave the transportation gods for their earlier transgressions.
walking in the door, i saw it was simpsons time, and when i turned on the TV, i found i was half way through my favorite episode (homer and he chili roast off...hallucinigenic peppers grown in a guatemalan insane asylum...johnny cash as the coyote..blah blah) sat around and watched the rest and also a treehouse horror eripsode (hugo in the attic, lisa and her tooth world, clinton and dole taken over by kane and kodos).
and oh, it was 8 oclock and i had to get ready fast cause the D was coming over at 9.

I was definately surprised on how punctual he was. he scored some points there. you all know how i HATE waiting for anything. of course, he looked hot. i have neglected to tell him, he was the first thing i noticed when i walked into sweetwaters the other night, alas WAITING for Bob to show his ass. we wont inflate the guys ego. anyway, the night was spent viewing twin peaks "Fire walk with me" (oh the box set was unavailable..drat!) followed up by Jaws. Ive never seen Jaws all the way through, and i still didnt make it, since for part of it we were sorta makin out on his friend's sleeping bag. well, it was our sofa, but you know...
back up here. we also had some merlot. at this point, i realized with glee that the D and I dont agree on many things. i think i can name all the things we see eye to eye on here in 5 seconds. Simpsons, merlot, David Lynch uh....shit, is that it? oh yes, he doesnt like cats either. but i sorta like the fact that we have completely opposite tastes.
back up more. i LOVE his place. All i wanted to do when I got there was whip out the camera and start shooting. it was all too inspiring. i am so in love with his bathroom. i know that sounds bizarre..but the color, the decor--all i can say is i had a serious black and white photo shoot coming on. unfortunately, my camera is all full, and as i found out today, kinkos wont let me download pictures onto the computers. buttheads. so, its going to be awhile. i was trying to describe this feeling to the J. I was telling him I feel sorta trapped. and he took it personally and asked if he needed to move out. im like..uh, no..back to me and my problems... :)
i was telling him...imagine someone took away all your pens and paper and journals. all the little scraps of paper that you write random thoughts on...all the paints and rulers and markers and art supplies. now, you had to live a month like this. wouldnt you feel trapped? i got some grunts. good enough.
ok, fast forward to this morning. i woke up at 7:15am and couldnt go back to sleep. the D was hiding under the quilt, since as i was to understand later, he cant sleep unless its completely dark. so im lying there, stomach rumbling with hunger and the after effects of half a bottle of merlot and a bottle of budweiser, and im wondering why the hell i cant go back to sleep. i decided not to waste my time, and i soon discovered that rom the bed, i could see that all the electronics in his room were made by SONY. not a big deal, but interesting at 7:30am. He's into bones. He's got a leg bone in the bathroom, and a cow/ buffalo skull on the wall in his room. CD's..more than ive ever seen in my life. Well, maybe not that much, but I think he could open up a small used cd store. ok, back up
he lives with his bassist (ok, another rock star...we went over that right?) in this huge garagey place. theres lots of power tools and cement. his room is up these little twisty stairs and is actually this platform built in the room, covered on all 4 sides by some sort of plexi plastic, or something. theres a music studio where they practice, as well, thats like this. you go farther back and theres the kitchen/ tv room place.
ok, fast forward. the alarm finally goes off at 8:15and by this point, i had started to drift off again. we slap it a few times and snuggle, and then i head this "Domenic!" from downstairs. "Ah shit, its my friend" says Domenic. He had to leave at 9am to go to Rhode Island, see. I head steps up the steps. luckily, i had clothing on and a blanket. His friend is all nonchalant.. "hey, what s up, brought you some "Good morning america" as they call it (David lynch reference, in case you didnt know). ok, slightly uncomfortable. the D starts packing furiously from his dirly clothes hamper and hurridly puts on some deoderant. we wander downstairs and i wait in the kitchen with "ted" the friend and the roomate whos name i forgot. Talk about awkward. Ted says "i see you make a couch" in sorta of a knowing voice. i hate that. its like...these guys know domenic. does this sorta of thing happen all the time? i thought about college at that point. back in the day when i was sorta having a fling with this guy Chapin...
I was over at "Banana House" hanging with CHapin and his roomies. I wish i knew then what i did now. Chapin was a serious asshole player who liked to pick up naive freshman, like i was at the time. he basically had a new girl every other day. flavor of the month, sorta thing. so, looking back on it, im here hanging out and all these people are like.."theres chapins new fuck toy " yay.
so, i was having these flashbacks sitting there in that photogenic kitchen. Ted was a layed back guy and we joked around as best i as could having just woken up, been walked in on, and needing a shower like nobodys business. nice first impression. awkward. D gets out the other bathroom and Ted, D and I pile into the crazy van with the large squeek rat on the dash (D's road rage toy). Talk about nicknames, and the bbq im supposed to be going to, that adams putting on. get to my place, and luckily avoided any awkward ness cause Ted was there. So D says talk to you on Monday.

Now, i wonder..will he? so hard to tell whats up. i dont know how to date. i just srta throw myself in situations. i dont know the signs of something good (we're not talking long term relationships, here...im talking a happy fling of whatever length that doesnt end up with one person basically being a sack of shit).
its all so overwhelming.
i dont even know what his rock band is called.