July 20th, 2001

date and all

I had a pretty good date, i must admit. Conrad gave me the full tour of artwork on the wall. He does these expressive large works with wall filler...or whatever its called..and color. its sorta hard for me to explain unless i showed you. i think he thought i wasnt getting into them, but that wasnt the case. i think they rock, but he did ask for my thoughts, and at this point in my life i have to say more than "thats cool" you know? i thought about what i would do with them and what feelings they evolked, even though thats exactly what he wasnt trying to portray. i never see the same things everyone else does, but i guess with art its all good. im not sure if i came across as unappreciative, but i certainly didnt mean to be. besides, id never say "this rocks" to an artist. id feel like i was sucking up or something.
yeah, ok so we made some dinner and talked about our ex's. i tried to get off of that topic quickly cause i dont enjoy dredging up past relationships in the current whatevers. i had to on this occasion though, cause Jeramy was being a punk before i left to meet conrad, and put me in a stressed out mood. so yeah, i had to explain WHY i was in a stressed mood. I made cheese tortellini and he made the salad. The movie for the evening was Bladerunner. I never used to be able to get through that movie, but now i enjoy it a great deal. i always see something else in it. i should read the book. ok, i have to work, so ill get on with the more meaningful part of this post later.

LONGER NIGHT

everyone is slacking. im typing up notes on an account, in case i should happen to drop dead, or in a less serious senario, stay up drinking and wake up hung over and call in sick. ok, now, im not doing that anymore...

ahem
anyways, where was i in the date? Conrad and I can talk. I dont know...the hours fly by and we talk about everything. And I think I really like that. Sometimes I feel like I talk AT people. They seem entertained, bored, sorta interested, tired...whatever, but he actually listens and replys back intelligently and makes me think, or sometimes he replys back completely not on the topic that im on...on this different tangent. its great.
anyone who can deal with the nuttiness gets props.
ok, i have to go out for lunch..
more later

stuck on the japanese

yeah, stuck on japanese food for lunch. today its vegi tempure over rice. Cynth and I have an idea to save $$ for lunch. After 4pm, all the rice bowls go on 40% off. So, at our 4 oclock break, we're gonna go over and buy one for the next day and have this fabu lunch for 2$. Wouldnt do it for sushi, but the rice bowls are just reheated anyway, and i can do that with the snaz company microwave. speaking of snaz and companies...we just ordered more snacks, so the kitchen is full of chips and mrs. fields cookies (mm, microwaved for 15 seconds..yum!!) twix, kitkat, and other random assorted lunchy snacky food. i love this place.

so yeah, we watch Bladerunner and talk and I really wanna kiss him. but im holding off because i like to torture myself like that. kinda fun. I'd get to thinking about it and sorta smile and stare too long, and then shake it off and focus on the conversation. finally he's on his back and im sorta leaning over him, and he says oh..i thought you were about to kiss me, and i say, im working on it...so the game is up. i put off the kiss for another few minutes and then I pounce. pounce? perhaps thats not quite the word. maybe give in. i wasnt quite feeling "pounce" last night. he has thick lips which i really like. not HUGE, but thick. good for nibbling on. ive always had this thing for that.
ok..so you know how i was saying i REALLY wanted to take this slowly? i mean, i was abosolutely positively dead set on it? well....i messed up. and things ended up going sorta fast. i wish i wasnt so damn passionate. not just with gettin it on..but with everything. so spontaneous and crazy. and like the rest of my life lately, one thing led to another.
Soon, i was was lying on the bed in my underwear and he was smoking a cigarette, and I was wondering where my head went to. i certainly didnt regret anything, but i REALLY wished I could have put it off another night. maybe some people are just meant to be swept along in the stream. maybe i should stop fighting it. i think somewhere, a little girl in me wants to try and be sorta conventional...in terms of "dating". But that "conventional" stuff is put into yur head by TV and boring women. So, yeah, for a few moments afterward, I felt a little awkard..not with him, but with myself. But I came to the quick and rational conclusion that in the long scheme of things, it didnt really matter whether we hooked up that night or later. it would proly happen and ya might as well have a good time as long as possible.

to make a long story short, 2:30 am rolled around and as much as i wanted to stay and crash out, i felt like i should go. i seem to spend long blocks of time with him, and i certainly dont want to overstay my welcome. i had to work, and being that at 6:00 am I would have to leave and he had no reason in hell to get up that early, i decided not to be rude, and just take off.

Got home and had JUSt shut my door when I heard Jeramy come in. I turned off the light and lay still and hoped he wouldnt peak in. he didnt and the alarm went off. it was 7:15. i growled. i yawned.
i climbed into the shower and devoured the hot water on my skin.