December 30th, 2001

(no subject)

i have to be up in less than 6 hours. i promised myself i would go to bed early, but i stayed up hoping to come to some conclusions about something bothering me. not sure what the thing is, really. i think its still december.

i got cranky looking at the christmas lights on the street, as our taxi pulled up to the door. Stacy wants Christmas lights on the cieling of the apartment ..all over. But i cant handle it. I wish I could. I feel terribly that that i cant. I just need the main room to be some sort of split personality between us, otherwise i will never want to hang out there. we have one string going across the long wall, courtesy of the S. I will give her that. I just dont want my college dorm room.

oh, i dont know. im irritable tonight. im noticing little things again. Like rings of dried coffee on the counter. the uneven parting of the curtains. The clock counting away the minutes of my life. My ever so slightly dry lips. my back in pain after 3 hours of bad posture in front of the damn playstation.
why cant i call people?

its like a video game. i need to accomplish something with myself before i can communicate again. before i accomplish something, i have to work long hours at wickerville. before i work long hours, i need to go to sleep.

right now now

now

(no subject)

i quit pier 1 this morning.

fate decided for me. my cough is just horrible. i was sitting on the train hacking it up. suddenly at 8th street, i took in a breath and coughed out sharply at the itching irritation. the beginning to one of those coughing spells that basically leaves you choking. luckily i was right at the stop. my face was turning red..tears welling in my eyes. embarassment. i ran out of the train as the doors closed and coughed and coughed, buckling over until i puked on the platform.

no way was i going to work like this. and wait. what ws i doing? i was in this state partially because of this gig. all the planets aligned and i called in too quit. just like that.

and it was over.

i looked at balance in my bank account.
i think i might have done enough for this year.