February 24th, 2002

(no subject)

lisa is falling hard for this boy. im scared. i do not like feeling out of control with my emotions. i know that i am not fooling myself. i know i have a real connection with someone when i get through having sex with he person, and i start sobbing uncontrollably and involuntarily to myself afterward because its so intense for me...not because the sex was so great. thats a dime a dozen. but because the act touched on a nerve in my head and that spiritual place that is only chemicials and electrical impulses, but we'd like to label it something like heart or soul, or someething profound. i do not sob out of sadness or pain, but of pure intesity and an acute shock in the knowledge how human i am in my compatibility with the person.
this rarely happens: with 2 other people. where every inch of skin shakes and quivers, and i have to turn my head into the pillow and hope that the wave of emotion subsides before he comes down from his glowing high to notice. i will not say anything about it to him.