May 1st, 2002

(no subject)

first off: thank you PJ!

im feeling like my life is at a standstill. where am i going? what am I doing? What are my long term goals? What sorts of roadblocks have I had to face lately? I've gotten past the *I need my first job in NYC* stage. Now, it's time to figure out what this city has to offer. I need to make more $$$. I need to be mentally stimulated. I need to figure out what sorts of career goals I have. At this point, I feel like if I don't get my ass back to school, all the doors are closed. At the same time, I look at all these grad school programs (MBA, international affairs, even biology!) and i dont feel even half qualified. I dont know what I want to do with myself. I do have interests. Something that has stuck with me over the years, which I have not been able to pursue is Russian. I'm thinking I should incorporate that somehow in whatever im doing. I also would like something that has me traveling. I spent my lunch hour looking over the School of International and Public affairs at Columbia. Some of their concentrations (mmm, international relations with the former soviet union) seem intenselly interesting. However, besides my econ degree, i dont really have anything that applies to get into the program. Maybe a Russian history class or two. A language class. I feel so underqualified.

I was thinking about my decision to get my MBA. I wonder if its the right thing...or if i need to get the MBA, but something else as well. I'm not happy where I am now. I need to figure out though so i can rack up some of this "2-5 years of experience" that i seem to need to get anywhere.

I want to make some sort of difference. I dont want a desk job. I want to go to bed and feel like something was accomplished. Important ideas were discussed and developed. Something will change for the better. I want to absorb the world.

Sheesh, where does one get started?

(no subject)

ok, IMMEDIATE $$ goals:
-get some pocket change from this website. (stephen!!!!!)
-push my video editing on the party planners that did the black mamba party
-collect my 100$ from tim that he owes me

did i mention blow random strangers? i should have because i cant pay 3 of my bills this month. i feel like shit. i CANNOT live this way. its not for me.