February 19th, 2003

(no subject)

im trying to plan a 4 day trip to Seattle at the beginning of September to attend my elemetary school best friend's wedding. (James wants to go too.) It looks like it will cost about $1,500.00, conservatively, for both of us. It's depressing. Which ass am I going to pull that money from? Im thinking that, depending on how much my June bonus is, I could save $500 from that toward the trip. But then I feel guilty that I'm not using it to pay my massive debt. My debt which looms over me like a large, Homer Simpson-looking gorilla, devouring slices of American cheese worth a thousand a slice. Plus, my boy is still unemployed. I was sad this morning thinking about how I'm no better off than when I was in New Orleans. Granted, I DO have a job. I am not starving. I can go out every once in a while. But, I still live in a building with heavy, noisy, rude neighbors. I can't buy new shoes unless they are from payless shoe source. I'm sad because I don't seem to be going anywhere. I'm stuck on this plateau.

ive been down all today. I want my poor james to get a job. I want us to have a little savings. I want to know that not every freaking minute I'm at work goes to pay for rent, debt and bills. i want to take a weekend drive and enjoy the snow just minutes from my apartment. Jump on a Jetblue flight to Florida for a weekend. Purchase ingredients to make dinner for my baby...

All little problems in the face of everything else in the world, and i KNOW im lucky to have what I have. I've just never been satisfied with stagnation. I want to be better and enjoy life as much as possible. I kiss my baby goodbye in the morning and pray he finds something. for him. for me.

(no subject)

did i mention that i drove a police car on Monday without my license while the policeman and James attempted to push the car to the nearest plowed intersection?

(no subject)

im waiting in my office for 7:30pm, at which time I will depart for Union Square, where my friend Alice will meet me and take me to a movie: "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind." I've been wanting to see this for a while. I hope it's sorta decent. 15 minutes...