Since I don's have a a lot of time any more, I feel like I should have a master list I can post every day and they change the ratings on a scale of 1-10.
Love Life: 7
Swim training: 8
Swim Coaching: 9
Outlook on the future: 9
Laziness/ Burnout factor: 2 (meaning I'm motivated now)
Can I just tell you that I CANNOT WAIT until I do massage therapy for a living. I LOVE it. LOVE. And I just want to learn more and more until it comes out of my ears. I'm practicing on my own therapist tomorrow (that is, if he doesn't cancel...which..well...let's put it this way: something always goes wrong when we try and meet up). Im just dying for him to tell me how Im doing...where I can improve. My Swedish teacher, Clara told me she was completely surprised...that I work like a professional. I haven't let it go to my head, but it's help me gain enough confidence to realize that with massage, as with everything, it just takes patience and practice. I need to be demanding of myself. Metal flows through my veins (check a shiatsu website for that one...), and I NEED things to be perfect. I also need to remember that my hard work does pay off, and I can let myself be conscious of the good things. I can take compliments and internalize them, and pat myself on the back sometimes. Sometimes. Usually I dont at all because I feel uppity, like Im getting full of myself.
Anyway, there is so much more to learn, and I find myself dreaming of the day when I can get up and swim, come home, eat, take a short nap, and take my first client at 12:30pm. I could shave my head again. Or get that barbell thru my ear that I've wanted forever. I could wear comfy sweatpants and rocketdogs to work.
Oh and then there's sports massage, and MLD, and continuing education. I know Im right where I should be. I really love my life now..all except work. Work is the HUGE bummer. I really can say I hate my job. And sometimes, it's the actual work. Sometimes it's the people. But mostly, it's because I know I'm chained into doing something unfufilling for another 14 months to pay the bills. In the long (hopefully!) stretch of life ahead, it's not that much time, and not much of a sacrifice. But on this side of the 14 months, it seems like an eternity. And I know Im lucky to have a job at all and yada yada, but I do want something better with myself. And Im working on it. Im not just staying at my job, bitching, and not doing anything about it. My outlook on the future is very positive. I just need to hang in there for 14 months more. Ugha. I think it takes years off my life.
Im sleepy. I got home at 7pm from school, ate a lovely Udon/ gyoza/ edamame dinner that James made for us, finished watching the last 40 minutes of "A Clear and Present Danger", gave James a 45 minutes leg massage to reinforce the techniques I learned today, glanced over my Eastern Notes from today, made flashcards for the 15 points I need to have memorized by next Saturday...and then jumped online to see what was up in the world. Im going to check out the student Yahoo! group, and then kit the sack. I took Monday off from work so I could enjoy 2 days to study for my Anatomy Final on Tuesday.