October 18th, 2006

(no subject)

The meeting went really well last night. There was one rep from the other team's board there, and then our head coach, the head of our board and me, the One Hour Swim Committee Chair. It's hard to tell whether the other team will join us, just because the one board member who was there cannot speak for them all. She seemed pretty on board, but did warn us of possible hurdles. Basically, TNYA puts aside one weekend in January (20 and 21 in 2007) to run back to back heats all day long. Swimmers pay a USMS registration fee (this is a national masters event as well) and a little extra (beneficiary donation) and then raise more money through pledges and corporate sponsorships. The beneficiaries bring all types of food to be consumed by hungry post-swim bodies and volunteers. Everyone's friends are there cheering them on and lifting them out of the pool afterwards. And our head coach brings his best of the 80's collection to entertain everyone on deck. It's just such a festive and fun way to participate in this grueling event. We're inviting all the NY area Masters teams to join us, not just this one team. We hope to not only raise a ton of cash for our beneficiaries, but also add a little more commraderie between teams. That's half the reason we all swim! Who wants to do laps alone? BORING! Anyway, keep your fingers crossed.

I was so engrossed by the proceedings of the meeting that I missed 3 stops on the 2 train before finally realizing where I was (!!!) and hopping off at the next transfer. It was all good though, as if it was supposed to happen that way. The 2 came right again, and then the A at Fulton St, and then the F at Jay St. Bam bam bam. Thank you train maam.

In November, my mother is going into the hospital for surgery on her eyes. She says shes very frightened of the "slice and dice". Im wondering if it's laser though. She's had super thick glasses for all my life, but I dont know if it's a lens problem or glaucoma or whatever. She wrote me an email last night. I intend on getting back to her today. Hopefully my dad will print the email. She tells me that sometimes he doesnt until I ask him too, especially with pictures. :( Mom says that I can grow anything in window boxes! So, I had this great idea to tack up 3 on my northern fence in the spring and plant strawberries. Mmmmm. I bought the boxes this past weekend at Evil Home Depot. Im going to let them sit outside and weather all winter while I plan for sunny warmer days.

My boss is on my ass today. Non-stop until about 10 minutes ago. He went out to lunch, so I have an hour free to bask in the sunshine that his absence affords me. Starting at 8:58am, it was delay this and cancel that. Print these papers and fax RIGHT NOW. It's been a crazy meeting morning as well. I spilled coffee for the first time today while trying to gently set a full cup and saucer on the conference table. The skin on my fingers stuck ever so slightly to the saucer and the cup sloshed when I pulled my hand away. Damn. Not quite as bad as the first time I fell off the balance beam in a gymnastics competition. But almost. hah. just kidding. Less pain in the ankle, if you know what I mean. The two gentleman laughed with (at?) me while I raced around sopping up brown liquid. Meanwhile, my boss was buzzing me. I ignored him.

Speaking of pain, my ulnar nerve seems to be snapping across my olecranon process on the left elbow. This is the conclusion Dave and I came to about this tingling/ pain in the forearm and hand that I've been experiencing during freestyle. I'm trying not to lean on that elbow at work. Not sure how to change my stroke in the water to fix this.

(no subject)

the freedom of the away boss is coming to an end. i know from the phone call on the cell and the honking in the background. he's walking back from lunch.

Man, these garlic bagel chips are so damn good!

Stacy, where are you?

thinking out loud

Also in Mom’s email was a question: “Have you solved your dilemma yet?” I’ve been trying to forget. We spoke a little about my offspring issues while I was waiting in the airport to come back from DC last month. I still don’t know what to do. I told her that my aversion to children might stem from a core desire to not reproduce. But I also said it could be because it was always ingrained into me that having kids meant I’d be a failure as a woman, that by having kids, I was giving up the education and career and all the dreams and desires I ever aspired to--a failure. She said it was only because of all the Mormon girls. She didn’t want me to think that getting married and having 8 kids was the only way to live. (Well, obviously!) She apologized for putting such weight on the subject. Too late now. But I worry. I have a feeling that I just don’t want children. And it that’s the case, I shouldn’t waste any more of Dave’s time. Or mine.

Will I end up alone at age 65 if I decide now on no kids? I mean, it seems all the boys come around eventually and want a family. I’ve always hashed my way through life on my own. I’ve never really thought about life as a married person or with a family until the past few months. Dave has made it so crystal clear to me that I’m the future wife type. Is it Dave? Would I actually want to have someone else’s kids?

I wait (the same advice I gave to Jason regarding his ex-fiance over beers). I cannot make decisions now. But when? When will the answers come? And if I chose incorrectly to keep from being alone, will there be anyone there to stand up at the wedding and shout out why these two people should not be united?