September 25th, 2007

the psychological effects of stifling grief

when im around friends, i try not to be a downer. this goes for viewer friends too. and so, where a private person might spend some healthy time watching movies, moping around, staring at the garden for hours, and generally zoning out emotionally, i havent been. this will be a good case study. so far, ive chewed into my tongue while grinding my jaws. And Ive lost another 5 lbs. In fact the pants I just aquired from H&M that were just right are now a little lose around the waist. Im not really motivated to do anything right now. Im just faking it. Altho my Japanese class is sparking enough interest to where I can focus on flashcards and not think about anything for a while. sent around an email about doing a 20 minutes clip on Thursday. This the last thing I feel like doing right now.

I keep trying to focus on my long term goals and remember that life continues no matter what decisions one makes. In the meantime, my tongue hurts and i'm drinking red bull in an attempt by my body to -narcolepse- on me suddenly in its own defense. My coworker asked me if im on the prowl now. No, I said. Which is half true and half not. Im completely emotionally unavailable and knowing how lovely morning afters keeps me quite physically unavailable as well. For now. I miss a good kisser. haha.