November 12th, 2007

back in NYC

Im back in my beloved city. Travel really makes your heart grow fond for the familiar. At least...frequent travel to different places. well, whatever. maybe just hours at the airport make you appreciate not being in the airport. I walked into my apartment last night well after midnight (maybe 1am?) and even tho the cats had shit on the floor and chewed up some paper bank invoices..AND ifrit the Genius was stuck up on my BED (!!!my first thoughts "if you shit in my bed cause you couldnt come down...grrr" he hadnt. luck for him) it was home. I didnt even bother yelling at the cats. I just cleaned and opened a vitamin water to rehydrate after a day in the PIT airport consuming junk.

I was so tired last night I forgot to hit "start" on the encoder LOL. oops. that will kill your webcast for sure.

i received a letter from my mother in the weekend mail. she sounds really depressed. and both my parents are really confused and about me. i have tried to call several times in the past weeks, but I keep getting the answering machine and no call back. so, its not like im not trying. in any event, my compassion was drained when read the part about how disappointed she was with me in college with my "whoring around" and sink into drugs. (laugh...drugs? you mean smoking pot for a year and then deciding i wasnt into it? lol) and how she hoped that i wasnt doing that again. oi. they dont know me at all. and they dont know me because i cant share anything with them without judgement. and most of my thoughts these days would certainly be "immature", "irresponsible", "immoral" and anything else prefixed by "im". So im caught in the middle somewhere. I need to call and reassure, but I cant really report anything real. Call, tell some half truths, ommissions, out and out lie. this seems to be the status quo. i am their biggest disappointment. I am everything they dont want me to be. And I think they suspect this, but as long as I continue to omit the details, the main chapters, and the foretelling book jacket on my life, I think I can slip under the tongue of disapproval.

God damn.