I don't have to compare James. He just is. Separate and beautiful, and I don't even think of the past. I don't care because I have found something real, something not a memory, someone I love completely and entirely.
I am scared because I am not used to it here. I'm like a cat testing a surface with it's paw, retracting quickly. Looking, testing, retracting. I worry that at any second it will all be taken away from me. It was before. I have no reason to think it will be, really, so I do not worry. I do the opposite. I drink every second in. Perhaps I should pull away, but I'm not like that. The more I feel, the more I want to give of everything I can possibly offer. I wish I could shake him, hold his head, and make him understand. Unfortunatly, Im not a Vulcan, so backrubs and headscratchies, kisses, warm cranberry orange bread, and little cards with little notes sent in the mail will have to do.