Nekomimi Lisa (lisagoddess) wrote,
Nekomimi Lisa

you know what would be helpful?

a book of career titles and a listing of what courses/ degrees were required, and how many years of experience doing such and such...
is there such a thing?

like, i want to look up vet tech, veterinarian, zoologist, (or any opportunities on the biz administration at a zoo, or something..what would those people be called)...and look at the exact requirements. ive gone through job postings, but its all so different all the time (the requirements). and forget trying to lookf for animal jobs online. there a few unhelpful sites at best!
i need to go back to school. i want to do business, but i want to work with animals. i have such a science mind. i dont know why i ever strayed. (i always wanted to be a vet or zoologist. took lost of science and math in high school, but strayed to music in my last 2 years...i even interned at a clinic over the summers of my 7th and 8th grade years) so many people i know would be like...what? YOU science? but i read the science and space articles (and not much else) in the NY times. i love the natural history museum. im sucked into nature shows of any type: weather, geology, space, lions, antartic adventures. im curious about my world. i used to be curious about people, but i think i have them figured out. im done with it. im at awe with the fauna and flora and the stars. i need more of that to think about.

i think im scared. im scared that im going to start and not finish, that im somehow too stupid to go back to school. but that is precisely WHY i need to go back. im getting dumb. look what i did all vacation. i couldnt motivate to do anything. i thought about all the things i could be doing (even without money) and i couldnt get up off my ass to do them. thats my signal to myself (from all the past experience in dealing with msyelf) that im at a wall in my life. im uninspired. im at a dead end.

i went to the yo la tengo (sp?) concert in prospect park last night, and spent the whole time thinking about what i wanted to do next. and it seemed clear that now was the time to take action. i have a whole year before the next school year starts. its time to figure out if ill be in NYC (or following JC to Chicago if he gets into NWrn?) its time to save $. its time to get msyelf into some classes next fall towards something real and not shuffling papers at some job that doesnt satisfy any part of me except my stomach (since it feeds me and all)

everything is more complicated now. its not just me. its us. i love my boy so much. i know he feels the same way about me. he trusts me enough to believe that if goes off to chicago first to find a a place for us that i will follow him when i said i would. thats a hard thing. in some respects chicago would be easier. the cost of living is 41% less, according to monster. it said that if i grossed 17$K, id be at the same standard of living as i am here (31K) !! I almost fell off the bed when i read that. i graduated from college and im making 17k/ year! i might as well be a clerk at a vet clinic! id enjoy it more too. whether it be the city college of NYC, or he city college of chicago, i need to do something. im going to sit here and ignore my camera and research stuff online and turn off my ps2 tonight. im leaving to meet james at work at 10:45. i have a while to poke around.

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