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Apr. 17th, 2003

i dont know what to write about on this thing. about 8 billion people i personally know read this. if i write out my true thoughts on a lot of stuff, i end up pissing people off. i dont even know what the purpose is anymore. for instance, today i was going to write about something james said to me last night over a romantic sushi dinner that completely took me by surprise and hurt my feelings. ive been mulling over it all day and rethinking what i am to him in the relationship and such. i dont really want to get into it, but im hurting today, and i cant think of anyone to call, so im going to email some friends on the west coast. i know this journal is supposed to be like a private book of confessions, but it's just not.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 17th, 2003 10:49 am (UTC)
Your friends need to realize then, that you have insecurities, you have doubts, and you have thoughts that may be wild and ungrounded but that they are your thoughts. They need to realize you need a place to vent, that they should take such venting with a grain of salt, and to not take anything personally unless you specifically intend it to be so, which I know you wouldn't do on your journal. In other words, that you are human. They should chill out and either not worry about every little thought you put in your journal or they should stop reading it.

I write whatever comes to mind in my journal, even if it's something bad about a friend, even if it's not politically correct, even if it's downright mean. My journal is one place where politeness and consideration get left at the door. A few friends of mine choose not to read the journal because of that, but the majority don't take what I say personally. They know me, they know I'm pretty honest with people, and that my journal may not be what I truly deep down feel but what just needs to be said. To rid myself of the nagging thoughts. I think your friends would understand, if truly friends they be. Don't sweat it, use your journal for venting if that's what you want to do. The rest will work itself out. If someone has a problem with it, they can just not read it. :-)
Apr. 17th, 2003 06:12 pm (UTC)
Now is not the time to think about doing what I am about to suggest but maybe later. LJ has some pretty good security. You could set up groups of friends at different levels of sensitivity so that when you want to say something for instance that only close friends should see, you could make the entry visible just to close friends. In fact, you may want the opposite so that close friends do not see it. Many people have groups that include all of their friends except those that are relatives so that they can say sensitive things about family members. There is nothing wrong with this. It can be a private book of confessions. Make sure though that no one has your logon information. I see things in a later entry of yours indicate that things may have sorted themselves out... I am happy for you.
Apr. 20th, 2003 05:18 pm (UTC)
That is the problem I have with LJ (or any paper journal) : if it's all public, someone might find out. If it's all private, well, my head is my private journal, no need to write all that down for me...

And so I don't write much in my journal. I think I'm going to try to write a little more on the tech part of my job, since I recently noticed I enjoy reading that stuff from other people. Maybe I'll go from there, but I don't think I could write as much as you do... as you say, i dont even know what the purpose is anymore. I don;t fully get that either. But here I am still... So what then? this ('communication' with others) perhaps? like a talking group about stuff (AA style ;-)?
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )