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all hallows eve

im not celebrating halloween this year. not because i dont want too, but because i have to work today. and tomorrow, i have no plans because it's Monday and my day off and i need to do laundry and organize my receipts. (Tax deductions are on the brain.) I remember a time when i was excited to dress up to go out, and spent real time on costume planning and the like. Now, the big plan to buy on-sale chocolate on 11/1 and call it a success.

I need to take some money out of savings and buy new clothes. im not talking about being girly and going on a shopping spree. Im talking about need. Ive gotten to the point where I: 1. Feel guilty for spending $$ on clothing and 2. Hate the act of shopping so much that I cant motivate to get my ass into a store to replace all the holey pants I now own. At the same time, and especially after reading the Maureen Dowd article in the NYTimes yesterday, Im double conflicted on my appearance and all the goals and ideals ive held on a pedestal. I am the epitome of the lingering "dont pay for dinner cause I can handle it", short haired, career motivated, feministy (can i still spell...no) generation. and now, its not good enough. And it doesnt help that Im receiving emails from an uncle telling me to get married to Dave right quick. Oi. anyway, ive come to the conclusion, as short lived as it may be, that i need to be a little more kitten and less rock. maybe just with some mascara and new pants. this makes no sense unless you've been living in my brain, and noone has, especially since ive not been posting regularly for some time now. its like the sentence fragments i was spitting out at dave over sushi on friday. i was so tired that i didnt realize that half of what i was trying to say wasnt making it. my brocas area was sleeping, napping, and snoring.

alright. my first client is at 10am. im at the dayspa on sundays.