thinking out loud: lisagoddess

thinking out loud

Also in Mom’s email was a question: “Have you solved your dilemma yet?” I’ve been trying to forget. We spoke a little about my offspring issues while I was waiting in the airport to come back from DC last month. I still don’t know what to do. I told her that my aversion to children might stem from a core desire to not reproduce. But I also said it could be because it was always ingrained into me that having kids meant I’d be a failure as a woman, that by having kids, I was giving up the education and career and all the dreams and desires I ever aspired to--a failure. She said it was only because of all the Mormon girls. She didn’t want me to think that getting married and having 8 kids was the only way to live. (Well, obviously!) She apologized for putting such weight on the subject. Too late now. But I worry. I have a feeling that I just don’t want children. And it that’s the case, I shouldn’t waste any more of Dave’s time. Or mine.

Will I end up alone at age 65 if I decide now on no kids? I mean, it seems all the boys come around eventually and want a family. I’ve always hashed my way through life on my own. I’ve never really thought about life as a married person or with a family until the past few months. Dave has made it so crystal clear to me that I’m the future wife type. Is it Dave? Would I actually want to have someone else’s kids?

I wait (the same advice I gave to Jason regarding his ex-fiance over beers). I cannot make decisions now. But when? When will the answers come? And if I chose incorrectly to keep from being alone, will there be anyone there to stand up at the wedding and shout out why these two people should not be united?

thinking out loud

Job op

The IRA saga continues

As promised - Sesame-ginger veggie burgers :)

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