Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

im lonely. im a little confused. im pretty scared. i feel like crying. it's a PMS day and it lures all the baby demons in the dark corners of my brain out into the open so I can see them in their full and hideous glory. I dont like myself on these days. And I dont like myself..because I dont like myself. its self-perpetuating. lame. mostly im lonely. i dont trust any of my guy friends these days. they are all acting wierd. even more so than when I first broke up with Dave. ive got 2 girlfriends. one hardly accessable in Harlem and the other I see all the time here at work...but...Im sure the last thing they wanna hear about is demon-walking. The one here at work has, and well, I dont need to talk to her about it any more.

So, thats that. Isolation. Things are not progressing and Im not sure how to make changes towards that end. Im doing something wrong. Theres a DomF/subm holiday party thing tonight, but didnt bring anything to wear..and fresh from getting my hair done, ill be covered in prickly hair and it will be later than the 7:30 start, besides....much later And its a holiday party. Couples. Not in this mind state. No good for Neko or Lisa.

What next. What next? sleep. just sleep.
i dont wanna talk to anyone.


Dec. 20th, 2007 03:29 am (UTC)
i have told you before that i think you are an awesome woman - putting yourself out there like you do - in all facets.

i know how you feel - years ago i was dumped for being too kinky, and then went by myself to see 'secretary' when it opened, and the minute i got home, i poured myelf onto the livingroom floor and bawled - feeling like even with friends, no one really understood me or what i wanted in my life.

the good thing is that nothing stays the way it is forever...and all of this too, shall pass. just stay open and honest and allow yourself to experience all of the feelings you have - it could be worse - you could be numb.

much love