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im lonely. im a little confused. im pretty scared. i feel like crying. it's a PMS day and it lures all the baby demons in the dark corners of my brain out into the open so I can see them in their full and hideous glory. I dont like myself on these days. And I dont like myself..because I dont like myself. its self-perpetuating. lame. mostly im lonely. i dont trust any of my guy friends these days. they are all acting wierd. even more so than when I first broke up with Dave. ive got 2 girlfriends. one hardly accessable in Harlem and the other I see all the time here at work...but...Im sure the last thing they wanna hear about is demon-walking. The one here at work has, and well, I dont need to talk to her about it any more.

So, thats that. Isolation. Things are not progressing and Im not sure how to make changes towards that end. Im doing something wrong. Theres a DomF/subm holiday party thing tonight, but didnt bring anything to wear..and fresh from getting my hair done, ill be covered in prickly hair and it will be later than the 7:30 start, besides....much later And its a holiday party. Couples. Not in this mind state. No good for Neko or Lisa.

What next. What next? sleep. just sleep.
i dont wanna talk to anyone.


Dec. 20th, 2007 12:03 pm (UTC)
Re: just
some additions:
- also, in addition to the st. johns wort, take a good green-tea extract supplement (capsules) and cut down on coffee instead. note: st.johns wort takes 1-3 weeks to develop the full effect. take those daily for at least several weeks.

PS: about holosync: http://www.centerpointe.com/
note: holosync will ONLY work in combination with a high-quality hi-fi headphone which has an excellent bass response and left/right separation. normal/cheap mp3 player headphones, or ANY loudspeakers will NOT do it.
i would recommend something like a sennheiser HD555 or similar.