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i just heard

Yuta and I got together tonight for dinner after work. He was fretting over his FOREX accounts. haha

I told him about my uncertainties. And he told me something...

After our last dinner party (last month), we went to a Shimokitazawa bar. The guy im dating told Yuta that if I werent at the bar that night that he's be looking for a nice girl to pick up.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuta says that this is good...that my guy likes me. I gaped at Yuta. WHAT!? Number ! - WHY would he say this to a good friend of mine - doesnt he know people talk? And --It means that im just the entertainment for the day and any old woman will do! That means that anytime he says hes going clubbing, he's looking for a break. (He just went to Kyoto 2 weeks ago to go clubbing :( ) My heart shattered on the floor. Not what i need right now. not at all.

I dont know what to do with this information. I dont wanna throw this guys face, like a soap opera, but all this uncertainty and distrust ive been feeling...was it coming from me or some sixth sense?

well, this comment was made between guys, when my guy was drunk -- so maybe he was trying to seem cool? and this was before Golden week when he took me on a roadtrip with his really good friends and spent most of the time with me....watching Dexter and cooking. And him getting more affectionate and relaxed.

But, its a wall again. Distrust has been replaced. We're supposed to see a movie this weekend..since it didnt work out last weekend. I just dont know. No trust. No openness. No love. the end.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 13th, 2009 04:46 pm (UTC)
Can't speak to Japanese culture of course, but from my perspective it could definitely be a macho guy thing, and I'd be inclined to take it with a grain of salt.
May. 13th, 2009 10:28 pm (UTC)
im trying to think of it that way. but 2 minutes after a woke up, checked my alarm to confirm that i DID sleep through it, stretch..

i remembered. and i got stressed again. the eye started twitching. i want to believe that it's a macho thing. i really do.
Oct. 7th, 2009 07:50 am (UTC)
trust again
ya know, I guess that I really don't know you very well, and I don't know the story behind all of this yet. I've read some of your postings and watched some on JTV. This may just be an opinion, but... cultural differences or not, drunk or not, machismo or not, if the guy is going to say it, there's a percent chance that he's capable of doing it. Even if he was joking, that's not something cool to joke about. Unless you're not in an exclusive relationship. And even then, it's hurtful.

I too have struggled with love. I waited a lifetime to find the right person. Now I'm in a relationship that I thought would last forever, but may end because she looked for something better, while I was out of the country. Now I struggle to trust, and I struggle with the "truth" of what happened. No one should live through that.

My point, while taking so long to get to it ;), is I believe that you should go with your heart. If you're hurt by what he said, you should either talk to him about it, or find some way to end it. Because trust is a _huge_ part of every relationship, and if you've lost that, it's really difficult to continue in the same way, and it's really hard to recapture what you had.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )