Nekomimi Lisa (lisagoddess) wrote,
Nekomimi Lisa
lisagoddess

oh yeah, now i remember what i was going to talk about...
the J. i have the worst time getting along with him lately. i always feel like hes looking down on me. when he talks, its always with this silly grin and he makes "jokes" which i always take seriously. like (i know you dont care, but dont invite people over here to sleep with you) and when i get annoyed with him for saying that, stating that i KNOW that is aggravating and im doing my best not too..he's like ha ha..its a joke. i dont get it. he keeps saying "now i see how you REALLY are" and "ive changed...im more mature and i know how you think..i understand you know"
makes me ill. how could he possibly know how i think? im a mess! i dont even know how i think. so every time i do see him (1-2 times a week) the conversations are always so uncomfortable and i get annoyed with him. i just dont even want to see him anymore, really. i know thats bad, but i really need some time away. not a week..not a month, but a long time away. when we talk, its like hes forcing me to know myself and defend something. and he grins and watches me squirm. I his friend, but I just wonder how i spent a whole year with him. I dont like his high and mighty attitude (which i told him last night) and to which he replyed...oh poor you...you are so used to seeing me freak out, but now i have it together, and THAT is what you dont like..that i can think for myself! (how ridiculous a thing is that to say to me?!) i told him i thought it was the best thing i did in a while to break up with him (which of course, pipssed him off...) but now, hes taking care of his credit probs, taking care of himself, switching jobs because Bombay is fucking him over, making friends, going out. all the healthy stuff that never happened while we were together, you know? and he told me i was conceited to say that...but i didnt mean it that way. i was only saying that i thought he had really progressed as a person after i let him flounder...

i think both of us are touchy, and its definately not just me as the mistreated angel. im not the friendliest thing to talk to i know. at least if yur Jeramy...just because i really dont want to see him. i dont know. i just didnt need it last night after being stood up.
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