so yeah, we watch Bladerunner and talk and I really wanna kiss him. but im holding off because i like to torture myself like that. kinda fun. I'd get to thinking about it and sorta smile and stare too long, and then shake it off and focus on the conversation. finally he's on his back and im sorta leaning over him, and he says oh..i thought you were about to kiss me, and i say, im working on it...so the game is up. i put off the kiss for another few minutes and then I pounce. pounce? perhaps thats not quite the word. maybe give in. i wasnt quite feeling "pounce" last night. he has thick lips which i really like. not HUGE, but thick. good for nibbling on. ive always had this thing for that.
ok..so you know how i was saying i REALLY wanted to take this slowly? i mean, i was abosolutely positively dead set on it? well....i messed up. and things ended up going sorta fast. i wish i wasnt so damn passionate. not just with gettin it on..but with everything. so spontaneous and crazy. and like the rest of my life lately, one thing led to another.
Soon, i was was lying on the bed in my underwear and he was smoking a cigarette, and I was wondering where my head went to. i certainly didnt regret anything, but i REALLY wished I could have put it off another night. maybe some people are just meant to be swept along in the stream. maybe i should stop fighting it. i think somewhere, a little girl in me wants to try and be sorta conventional...in terms of "dating". But that "conventional" stuff is put into yur head by TV and boring women. So, yeah, for a few moments afterward, I felt a little awkard..not with him, but with myself. But I came to the quick and rational conclusion that in the long scheme of things, it didnt really matter whether we hooked up that night or later. it would proly happen and ya might as well have a good time as long as possible.
to make a long story short, 2:30 am rolled around and as much as i wanted to stay and crash out, i felt like i should go. i seem to spend long blocks of time with him, and i certainly dont want to overstay my welcome. i had to work, and being that at 6:00 am I would have to leave and he had no reason in hell to get up that early, i decided not to be rude, and just take off.
Got home and had JUSt shut my door when I heard Jeramy come in. I turned off the light and lay still and hoped he wouldnt peak in. he didnt and the alarm went off. it was 7:15. i growled. i yawned.
i climbed into the shower and devoured the hot water on my skin.