monday is over yet again. thank the lord
im off to wils place to have some dinner and pick up my ulu board and cookbook that i left over on Saturday cause I didnt wanna carry it around at the bar.
I got a note from Conrad. Hes upset about Saturday. I guess I sorta did stomp outta there. But I need to leave. He says Im full of contradictions. Thats what Jeramy said too. I think im just not ready to do anything but be absolutely irresponsible with me and others...
and thats not fair to the others. i dont mean responsible sex wise. i mean, responsible as i think about what im doing with myself. ive been so involved in my own thing lately that im pretty ignorant of the way other people tick. i dont think its wrong to be into your own thing when you're dealing with all the stuff i am, but i know it is unfair to the people around me and i completely acknowledge that.
as for being full of contradictions, it all makes sense to me..its the process of figuring out whats up..but to others is a mess of confusions and contradicting ideaologies.
you know what i mean? when you're trying work on your problems, its easy to spout stuff. like, we talk about the way we want to be, and then about the way we really are, and then get them confused, and then try and give others advice, and then act completely opposite.
its natural, but unnerving to some extent.
the thing at this point, as you know from this journal, is getting my financial self together..getting my "sanctuary" together. my home. i have a habit of taking fake and temporary sanctuary in things along the way: people, drinking, travel. it gets in the way, but perhaps eases the pain of not having things solved. i just feel everything will be better when i arrive at my new place after dropping off the moving van. pay off a debt or two.
theres other things, but i have to skip off to wils place.
have a good night all. dream of geni for me
im off to wils place to have some dinner and pick up my ulu board and cookbook that i left over on Saturday cause I didnt wanna carry it around at the bar.
I got a note from Conrad. Hes upset about Saturday. I guess I sorta did stomp outta there. But I need to leave. He says Im full of contradictions. Thats what Jeramy said too. I think im just not ready to do anything but be absolutely irresponsible with me and others...
and thats not fair to the others. i dont mean responsible sex wise. i mean, responsible as i think about what im doing with myself. ive been so involved in my own thing lately that im pretty ignorant of the way other people tick. i dont think its wrong to be into your own thing when you're dealing with all the stuff i am, but i know it is unfair to the people around me and i completely acknowledge that.
as for being full of contradictions, it all makes sense to me..its the process of figuring out whats up..but to others is a mess of confusions and contradicting ideaologies.
you know what i mean? when you're trying work on your problems, its easy to spout stuff. like, we talk about the way we want to be, and then about the way we really are, and then get them confused, and then try and give others advice, and then act completely opposite.
its natural, but unnerving to some extent.
the thing at this point, as you know from this journal, is getting my financial self together..getting my "sanctuary" together. my home. i have a habit of taking fake and temporary sanctuary in things along the way: people, drinking, travel. it gets in the way, but perhaps eases the pain of not having things solved. i just feel everything will be better when i arrive at my new place after dropping off the moving van. pay off a debt or two.
theres other things, but i have to skip off to wils place.
have a good night all. dream of geni for me