Nekomimi Lisa (lisagoddess) wrote,
Nekomimi Lisa
lisagoddess

ive come to the conclusion that every other weekend should be a vacation from my life. completely, entirely, and without remorse. this game of relinquishing my private territory has forced me to find a new way of distracting myself. I feel naked, however, as I am not able to document the turning wheels of my mind. i can only regurgitate the events: misted by the fountain in Washington Square park, sunburning while shopping with drag queens, fretting over 2 men who love me, and even more over the one who called me last night to pocess my attention. And here I am in the lions den (writing to escape!), awaiting something flamboyant that wont happen, knowing I should be faithfully elsewhere.
I was supposed to attend the Turkeys nest last night, to meet bob, conrad. I turned away with great vigor from these duties of necessity to trip along around Brooklyn, on the search for something I knew wasnt really there. Tim said his goodbyes at 11:50, mouth full of pasta. As I walked from the the door to the train station, my mind was on Domenic and I questioned why I was so easily led. I yelled at myself, cursed, pulled the hair out of my inner doll. On one hand, I felt liberated by Anias Nin, and on the other I felt trapped my own good conscience. It is an awful thing to be intruiged by a man who does not love you. Even as we go our lust on, I was unsatisfied. And yet, I could not stop.
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